General News
Email does not find worker well

Office workers across the country have today reported that the 150 emails that have landed in their inbox since Friday have not in fact found them well, a result largely put down to the large volume of emails they are receiving filled with meaningless corporate catchphrases.

“I don’t think an email has ever found me well in my entire life,” explained one office worker. “If anything it has found me wanting to hunt down whoever invented instant messaging and throttle them on behalf of the world’s 2 billion office workers.”

“You know I actually used to occasionally do some work during my work day,” explained one older employee. “You’d send a letter and wait 4 days for a reply to come back. Now everyone in this building just alternates between attending compulsory meetings where they don’t do anything, and frantically trying to responding to every email, text, Slack message, comment, notification, ping, tag and team group chat that they’re expected to be on top of. Which ironically just results in more messages.”

Office managers are reportedly looking into addressing the problem, organising a survey that will be emailed to every employee daily asking if they are getting too many emails.

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