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Dutton’s worst fears confirmed after gay marriage leads to woman marrying vegetable

Immigration Monster Peter Dutton has today backtracked on earlier comments decrying LGBT acceptance as ‘woke nonsense’ after remembering that he is in a non-traditional marriage between a woman and a lovecraftian horror that haunts the lake at night.

Although technically illegal under Australia’s current marriage laws, Dutton has said he hopes Australia will one day come to embrace non-traditional relationships like his, possibly after 10 years of useless debate and a $150 million plebiscite that nobody wants which just confirms whatever opinion poll already shows.

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However, Dutton quickly backtracked on his earlier statement calling for human-vegetable marriages to be recognised, after learning marriage is technically a union. A bill to outlaw all marriages has already been tabled in parliament, with Labor decrying it as a clear breach of human rights, before immediately voting in favor of it.




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