Local pizza delivery driver Marc Brown has today been let go by Dominos after concerned customers reported he was alert and highly lucid while taking their orders.

“I don’t come here to be cheerily greeted by a young man with a sunny disposition,” raged one customer at the manager. “What’s next, are you going to be evenly distributing the olives instead of dropping them all in one clump? I don’t pay $28 a pizza to be met with good service and short wait times!”

However, Marc found new employment shortly after, when he passed out on the street after finally coming down from the uppers he’d taken the night before. “Who is that man at the bus stop drooling onto his crotch?” asked a passing fast food manager. “That’s KFC material if ever I saw it!”

“As soon as he stops vomiting he’s hired.”