Local construction firm owner Damien Miller has this week shared a helpful trick for those looking to renovate their houses on a budget. Like many who were unable to claim the government’s new construction grant due to not being a millionaire, instead he’s suggested a different route for renovations, by hiring one of the country’s large mining firms to do free demolition work.

“Yea it’s easy as, and saves so much money,” explained Damien. “All you gotta do right, is to scatter a few ancient aboriginal artifacts around your lawn, and next thing you know the whole place will have the top soil stripped faster than you can say ‘Why aren’t the miners paying tax!’.”

Alternatively, if you need your house removed, you can also apply for a HomeWrecker grant from the government, where Barnaby Joyce will come round and personally ensure you lose half of your home in a divorce.