Local Catholic and paid up member of the Michael Jackson fanclub Dorithy Wattle is quietly questioning everything today, after every person she has ever loved in this world was outed as a child predator in the span of one week.
“I just don’t understand it,” said a deflated Dorithy at an empty MJ drinks and trivia night. “Of all the people in this world that I would have picked as being perverts back in the 80s – MJ and and George Pell were not even on the list. Who’s going to be the next beloved 80s star to fall – Winona Ryder, Johnny Depp, Rob Lowe or even Matthew Broderick? God help me if one of those angels turns out to be a criminal.”
Informed that, in fact, those stars had been accused of theft, domestic abuse, soliciting a minor and vehicular manslaughter, Ms Wattle excused herself, before being heard screaming swear words from the next room.
“To think I used to look down on my friend Cindy in grade 4 for having posters of that ‘wicked’ Freddy Mercury on her wall.” said Ms Wattle on returning. “Christ, I’ve made some bad calls in my time.”
However, Dorithy is remaining upbeat, stating that without her faith or her beloved Michael Jackson record collection, she still has other interests to fall back on. “At least I still have my Woody Allen movie club every Wednesday. Now there’s one guy you can rely on to be a decent human being!”
The Anti-Expert’s Guide to Everything – 2020 National Tour
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