The NSW government has today announced that “everything’s pretty fucked”, with the new delta strain of the coronavirus potentially circulating in the community being described as “a complete clusterfuck of Engadine Maccas proportions.”

“Yea, nah, yea. This shit’s hit the fan,” sighed the Premier today rubbing her temples while stubbing out a cigarette with her foot. “Like stuff’s royally rooted, stay the fuck home.”

Asked whether Australians should all head directly to Bunnings for a casual 8 hour browse, the health officer said it was not a wise idea. “Fuck no you drongos, stay the fuck home,” said the Health Minister. “This fucking nasty bastard will infect you in less than the time it takes me to down a breakfast beer. Go get a vaccine you numbnuts and stay the fuck home.”