A bogan from Perth is running out of spare skin after an unexpected six weeks in Bali due to the coronavirus lockdown. Troy Butters has been adhering to the standard one tattoo every three days or twenty drinks (whichever comes first) rule, and is now having to consider his face, palms and anus.

The tattoo industry in Bali represents around 50% of its irreversible skin damage exports, with scooter accidents making up the rest.

Speaking over the deafening crackle of dry scabs and clingfilm, Butters said “This is killing me, mate. I’ve just had another 18 Bintangs so I’m almost due for another tat. It’s either gotta go on me hoop or me face, and it’s gonna have to be a bloody mouse or something because I’ve gone through most of the zoo already.”

Asked about what he’d had done so far, Butters listed a plethora of animals, abstract nouns and meaningless phrases, with a West Coast Eagles logo thrown in for good measure.

Gingerly walking to the hotel room fridge, Butters continued “I even had to get one for my Nan and she’s not even dead yet. I just had to guess the date. I’m fucked if she goes past 2022.”