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“I’m not corrupt, I’m just really bad at finances!” explains man in charge of nation’s finances
"I often don't notice when I've been gifted $4000."
Government orders plebiscite on Marriage At First Sight
"It’s trending every night, for better or worse, and we could only dream of that kind of popularity in an election year.”
Crisis deepens: ABC Chairman instructed the Honey Badger to get rid of Emily
Justin Milne, reportedly emailed the 2018 Bachelor, Nick Cummins, saying that Emily Dibden, the sweet dance teacher from Canberra, had fallen out of favour with Liberal Party, and therefore had to go
World celebrates progress as Hollywood casts black man to play violent gun-wielding murderer
Take that, typecasting!
ABC asks staff not to share opinions online about fucking ridiculous plebiscite
"There are two sides to this issue," read the memo "and one of them is threatening to cut our funding."
Family viewing Game of Thrones awkwardly pushes through three minute cunnilingus scene
"We could have fast forwarded through it, but that would have meant making eye contact."
Game of Thrones writers now regretting next episode’s Beyonce dance number
Meanwhile George R R Martin has confirmed Ed Sheeran is cannon
Local man undertakes marathon to raise awareness of Game of Thrones
He is also raising money in aid of purchasing a desperately needed Foxtel subscription
Grown man threatens to never watch children’s show ever again
Grown man also outraged at use of word "phonebooth"
Christopher Nolan working on dark, gritty reboot of AirBud franchise
"I really wanted to explore the motivations, you know? Did Bud ever get revenge on that Clown?"

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