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Striving for mediocrity in a world of excelence, The Chaser is a media empire which rivals Rupert Murdoch’s in all fields except power, influence, popularity and profitability.
WA introduce voluntary euthanasia in vain hope any Australians will survive long enough to use it
"This will be a great step forward in medicine if the climate doesn't get us first."
Fire fighters recalled as Scomo learns burning bush protected by religious discrimination bill
Morrison declares smoke “only a concern for the entirety-of-NSW bubble”
Even company that accepts old underwear doesn’t want religious discrimination bill
Scomo demands cricketers play harder after learning fires still not out
Sydney man books holiday in Beijing for a bit of fresh air
Scientists deeply worried after climate disaster reaches “white people wearing facemasks” level
Silhouette of Scott Morrison assures Australia that all possible aid will be given to New Zealand
Local News
Safety Warning Convinces Man Not To Drink Paint
Man spends entire camping trip trying to get phone reception
Dan Brown asks plagiarism accusers if they’ve got any ideas for a sequel
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World News
Royal physician confirms Prince Andrew is definitely having no trouble sweating now
Queen cancels Prince Andrew’s birthday, begins preparations for funeral
God holds press conference to distance Himself from Israel Folau
Trump honors 30 years since the Berlin Wall by promising to build an even bigger wall
Scott Morrison concerned climate protests are making apocalypse a bit inconvenient
Congress to grill Tom from Myspace on how the site is protecting its sole user’s data
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Shovel Politics
Albo Returns To Traditional Labor Values, Promising To Distribute Climate Change More Equally Across Entire Nation
Australian Movies Must Now Include At Least One Road In A Lead Role, After Arts Department Dissolved Into Department For Infrastructure & Transport
Angus Taylor Says He Knows For Certain Naomi Wolf Was At Oxford In 1991 Because He Had A Medical Condition Which Meant He Couldn’t Sweat 
Racist Young Liberals To Be Disciplined With Two Terms In Senate
Rural MP George Christensen Says He Went To A Manila Strip Club 28 Times To Help Break The Drought
Nation Rushes To Get Counselling After Imagining George Christensen In A Strip Club 
Real Estate
Minister who forgot about buying house luckily still remembered to negatively gear it
Sultan of Brunei flaunts wealth by purchasing room in decrepit Sydney sharehouse
UN called in to resolve washing-up stalemate
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