Local parents Mark and Irene Butler report they were “shocked and alarmed” to hear their five year old son Bobby announce he will be staying up tonight in the hope of meeting Satan, declaring they were previously unaware that he is either dyslexic or a member of the occult.
Seeking to clarify whether Bobby was simply confused or required immediate attention by a priest, Mark and Irene attempted to get Bobby to describe the man he was hoping to see. However, Bobby’s response that he was waiting “for the magic red man who laughs a lot and punishes bad kids” did little to put their minds at ease.
However, being modern parents Mark and Irene have decided to be open to the possibility that their son may be a Satanist. “At first we considered trying to correct him,” says Mark, “but in the end we decided to just let it be. We wouldn’t want to infringe on his freedom of religion.”
“Plus, when push comes to shove, it doesn’t really matter whether he thinks it’s Satan or Santa that brings him gifts.” added Irene. “After all sooner or later he’s going to come to his senses and realise that Satan doesn’t exist. You can’t stay young and gullible forever.”