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IOC finds Al Qaeda more prepared for Olympics than Athens

[Edition 87] An investigation by the International Olympic Committee has discovered that the Athens organisers are lagging well behind the Al Qaeda network in preparing for the Games this August.

Bomb site or building site? You decide

[Edition 87] An investigation by the International Olympic Committee has discovered that the Athens organisers are lagging well behind the Al Qaeda network in preparing for the Games this August. The report found that Al Qaeda’s understanding of how Games facilities like the Olympic village were supposed to look was “very impressive, and certainly a long way ahead of the builders’.”

Al Qaeda has nearly completed a sophisticated plot to bomb the Olympic Stadium, the report said, but the terrorist organisation’s careful planning might come to nothing if the venue isn’t completed in time for the Games. “The Athens organisers are really letting everybody down,” an IOC spokesperson said. “What’s the point of Al Qaeda being 100% ready to blow up the Olympic stadium if it’s only going to be half finished by the Closing Ceremony?”

Al Qaeda has also been seriously inconvenienced by the constant scaling back of plans for the Games. The network’s original plot to hide vials of anthrax in the air-conditioning ducts on the roof of the aquatic centre had to be abandoned after the organisers decided they wouldn’t be able to build the roof in time. The IOC expressed sympathy about the impact of Athens’ unreadiness on other service provides, saying, “We can only hope Al Qaeda will be able to get a refund from the US chemical laboratory where they bought the anthrax.”

By contrast, the IOC’s report was full of praise for Al Qaeda. “Al Qaeda’s preparations have set a new standard for efficient major-event terrorist plotting,” it said. “If we’d realised how much more organised they were, we would have awarded the 2004 Olympics to Afghanistan.”

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