“I’m not afraid of shooters” tweets Trump from bullet proof car
"I never run from a fight," said the man who famously dodged the draft five times
Salim Mehajer faces court over what happened last time he faced court over what happened the time before that
A man appeared in court today, charged with a minor infraction that is never reported on, but is, in this case, being reported because it involved Salim Mehajer, and we're hoping for the extra click-throughs
Republican party implodes after abortion performed with gun
"Banning abortion stomps on every American's right to shoot a pregnant woman in the stomach."
Password tried again with number, capital
"Hrm, was it password, Password, password1 or Password1?"
Nationals enter bold new era under leadership of some guy
The new leader won over his colleagues by not having impregnated a staffer, not having New Zealand citizenship, not having accepted a rental property from a prominent donor and not being accused of sexual harassment
Local man rushed to hospital after remembering calling teacher mum in grade 3
"He's having a cringe attack!"
Mosman camper accidentally experiences nature while traveling between car and caravan
"It was horrible"
Scientists discover parallel universe where USBs can be inserted after only 2 tries
"We hope to bring this amazing technology to our own timeline by 2050."
IT worker spends relaxing holiday answering work emails from different timezone
"It's just great to get away from the stress of being in an office and instead spend some time being stressed on the beach."
Plan to go to bed at reasonable hour foiled by lure of doing nothing in particular for 5 hours
"I've got some important Wikipedia articles about the history of corn to catch up on."