Thursday, 05 November 2009 14:16
Warned of the future demise of his environmental credentials by a wild-eyed Greens Senator in a converted-hybrid DeLorean, the 1985 Peter Garrett has traversed the space-time continuum to stop his future self abandoning his environmental principles.
"I don't know how my life goes so off-track in the future, but apparently one future incident causes a chain reaction that threatens my entire credibility," he told the fellow members of Midnight Oil before his departure for 2009. "The only clue I have to this mysterious event is the word 'Latham'."
Garrett was originally aiming for 2004, but a time-circuit malfunction left him powerless to prevent his future self endorsing the continued operation of Pine Gap. 1985-Garrett travelled to Canberra to confront himself, but his impassioned speech about conservation failed to move the Minister For The Environment, Heritage And The Arts.
Desperate, the younger Garrett broke out the big guns. "I pulled out a cassette deck and played him 'The Power And The Passion'," 1985-Garrett explained. "He was nodding along and I thought I had him convinced. But then he said it'd be a great tune to use in an ad talking up the new Gorgon natural gas project."
"Then as I left, he even had the hide to tell me to tone down my dancing, because the Libs were still getting mileage out of it."
Stung by the news that the Nuclear Disarmament Party that nearly elected him to the Senate in 1984 would fail to make a lasting impression on Australian politics, Garrett returned disappointedly to 1985, vowing to write a song about mining and asbestos victims, to inspire his future self to stay true to the eco-cause.
But what most shocked the 1985 Garrett was the revelation that his 2009 self presided over the expansion of Australia's uranium mining programme. "I know I would never sell out like that," he said. "Even if I needed to generate 1.21 gigawatts to travel back to 1955 and stop John Howard entering politics."
In related news, 2009-Garrett has recently announced plans to travel to 1987 and destroy the master recording of 'Sell My Soul'.
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