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Nitschke’s euthanasia ship hits iceberg, delights passengers

[Edition 37] DARWIN, Monday: Euthanasia fanatic Dr Philip Nitschke has claimed that his new cruise ship will become the new choice for aged travel.

Nitschke has released plans to purchase a Dutch ship which will be able to legally carry out euthanasia in international waters as soon as the Netherlands parliament legalises euthanasia. Nitschke claims that he will compete directly with Fairstar for the aged tourist dollar with his new ship to be named the Deathstar.

“The boat will be filled with entertainment for the aged pro-euthanasia market,” said Nitschke. “If they get board watching their fellow travellers walking the plank they can sip on a Molotov cocktail by the electrified swimming pool or enjoy a game of exploding shuffle board.”

Cruise operator P&O had admitted that it is furious that Nitschke’s euthanasia ship will target their core geriatric market. They have sought to remind their passengers of the numerous ways they can die on P&O cruises such as the regular boughts of food poisoning, deck chair accidents and death by bad cabaret.

Despite being pleased at the new options for death many aged people surveyed said they would stick with the Concord for their holiday/death plans. Others have claimed that the ocean going euthanasia market is already is already saturated thanks to the Sydney to Hobart yacht race.

Nitschke is yet to release prices for his death cruises although he has hinted that the return ticket will be significantly cheaper than the one way. The first of Nitschke’s cruises will be leaving around June with itineraries including Mururoa Atol and Bermuda Triangle. Nitschke is still trying to contact Tony Bullimore to see if he will captain the ship.


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