General News

Astronomers discover fifteen year old girl is centre of universe
Astronomers at the Livermore Observatory have confirmed the longstanding hypothesis that Coogee teenager Emily Gillespie is the centre of the observable universe
Worker decides to leave one ‘sickie’ day, in case he actually gets sick
Michaels, who has used up nearly his entire year's worth of sick days in the first three months of the year, claimed, “I’d forgotten that people sometimes use sick days for actually being sick.”
Dole recipient forced to hire secretary to deal with Centrelink red tape
A 44 year old Geelong man has advertised in his local classifieds for a personal assistant to help him manage the time-consuming administrative burden of his welfare portfolio
Coca Cola planning to match Pepsi with their own culturally-insensitive advertisement
"I had the idea for Santa Claus spraying Coke out of his sleigh all over Africa and making everyone white and middle-class - that went into the 'maybe' pile."
Sultan of Brunei flaunts wealth by purchasing room in decrepit Sydney sharehouse
"It was the best $5 billion I've ever spent"
Queensland stoner who has bunkered down in basement is completely unaware there is a cyclone overhead
Bowen-based stoner, Darren Hutchinson has launched a stinging attack on the Queensland arm of the Dominos Pizza, accusing the food delivery
Sydney man slain by co-workers after saying “Marge, the rains are here” non-stop for a month
NSW Police have detained the entire office staff of an inner-city promotions company after the murder of IT worker Michael
Dad keeping every single key he ever used on key ring
"Every key here is important," said Barry, "I just need to remember what they all do."
Voice recognition software improves to 40% accuracy
Apple CEO Tom Cock said the implobment was ferntasic
Customers thrilled by servo’s “one for the price of two” offer
"Normally I'd have to pay almost half for these chips!"