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Rest of Charles’ family sorry they can’t miss the wedding too

Members of the Royal Family have reacted to the Queen’s decision not to attend the Charles/Camilla wedding, primarily with envy. “Her Majesty will be unable to attend the ceremony due to an unfortunate scheduling conflict,” a spokesman said. “Her attendance would conflict with her strong desire to snub Camilla.”

Charles points to the spot in the garden where he wishes his mother was buried

Members of the Royal Family have reacted to the Queen’s decision not to attend the Charles/Camilla wedding, primarily with envy. “Her Majesty will be unable to attend the ceremony due to an unfortunate scheduling conflict,” a spokesman said. “Her attendance would conflict with her strong desire to snub Camilla.”

The Queen’s husband, Prince Phillip, will also not be in attendance. “The Queen feels that she has done enough for Charles,” said HRH The Duke of Edinburgh. “She had his ex-wife killed for God’s sake. She has worked like a nigger for that boy, and I’m not standing there at that damned wedding like some Chinese coolie at a dog-eating party,” he said.

“As for the boy’s wife, if I had a horse that looked like that, I’d shoot it, not mount it.”

Buckingham Palace sources that say only Prince Harry is in favour of his father marrying Camilla Parker Bowles, and is upset that Prince Charles will be marrying her instead. However other members of Charles’s family will appear, albeit reluctantly. “I was planning not to attend as a matter of principle”, said Sarah Ferguson, the Duchess of York. “But then I remembered that I have no principles. Plus there’s free food.”

Charles’ brother Prince Edward is also attending under duress. “I’m sure if I was married in a civil ceremony, Charles wouldn’t attend. And anyway, it would only be legal in Holland and Denmark.”

Even though the ceremony is non-religious, Charles and Camilla plan to follow the traditional wedding superstitions. Prince Harry will be bringing something blue, Paul Burrell will bringing something borrowed, and the father of the bride will bring something old.

However although Charles’ second wedding will be dramatically different from his first, it will still have an identical conclusion. The Prince of Wales plans to once again spend his first night as a married man in bed with Camilla.

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