LATEST
POPULAR
Barely-legal Asian model unable to give virginity away by email

BANGKOK, Thursday: A desperately horny 16-year-old underwear model confessed today to friends that she hasn’t been able to give away her virginity despite her best efforts to solicit sex through unsolicited emails.

“All I want is to guzzle cum. I don’t care whose it is,” she admitted. “But I’m terribly shy. That’s why I thought it would be easier to meet potential lovers through the internet.” Yet the hot, wet whore found it surprisingly difficult to woo would-be suitors.

“I spend literally all day sending emails out but I’m yet to receive one reply. Can you imagine how bad that is for my self-esteem? I even installed a web-camera in my bedroom so people could see how much I ached for man-meat during my lesbian gang-bangs. But the website didn’t get a single hit. I just don’t understand what’s wrong with me.”

“I’m not sure I’ll ever find a man,” moaned the rapidly-becoming legal slut.

“I’ve tried everything to get their attention. I’ve offered INTEREST-FREE credit cards; I’ve offered FREE PENIS ENLARGEMENTS; I’ve even offered to pay LITERALLY MILLIONS OF DOLLARS for their time from my TOP SECRET account in the Bank of Nigeria – but still I get no response. This is so frustrating; at this rate I’ll never TASTE a JUICY, THROBBING COCK before I’m 16!!!!!”


This was originally published in Issue 64 of The Chaser newspaper


The Chaser Guide to Earth is coming soon!
Subscribe to The Chaser Quarterly to guarantee your copy.