British model Kate Moss has bounced back from the loss of four modelling contracts this week with a lucrative new promotional deal for diet coke. The deal, rumoured to be worth up to twenty thousand grams per year, will see Moss model the drug cartel’s latest lines of low-calorie cocaine. “Kate did some magnificent work popularising the heroin chic look in the early 90s,” said a diet coke intermediary. “And we believe she can do the same for cocaine chic now.”
British model Kate Moss has bounced back from the loss of four modelling contracts this week with a lucrative new promotional deal for diet coke. The deal, rumoured to be worth up to twenty thousand grams per year, will see Moss model the drug cartel’s latest lines of low-calorie cocaine. “Kate did some magnificent work popularising the heroin chic look in the early 90s,” said a diet coke intermediary. “And we believe she can do the same for cocaine chic now.” “She’s shown that no matter how much diet cocaine you ingest, you can still look fabulous. It’s completely guilt-free. Unless you get caught, of course.” The deal comes at the end of a week in which Kate Moss has provided British tabloids with their first non-Shane Warne cover story in four years, leaving family groups outraged. “Doesn’t Kate Moss know she’s a role model for impressionable, young teenagers?” asked one mother. “I’m amazed to hear of such irresponsible behaviour from a 35 kg adult.” Moss however vowed to remain positive, a process she has commenced by testing positive to eight different illegal substances.
“I want to apologise to everyone I’ve let down,” Moss said in a written statement. “My friends, my family, and especially my drug dealer who had to cancel a 10kg shipment for me this week.”
Moss will launch the campaign for diet coke with a promotional tour of London nightclub toilets next month.
